Some food for thought between athletes and non-athletes to throw to relatives to see the effect it has.
1. Nerves are present in many Christmas tables. But no one eats nerves. Why do nerves exist? Your conspiracy theorist relative will certainly be able to give you an answer.
2. Nesta hasn’t eaten panettone for a single day. His Monza were last in the standings but didn’t play bad football. Nesta deserved time. And it deserved the panettone too.
3. Don’t overdo it with the appetizers because otherwise you’re screwed. If you overdo it with the appetizers, the rest of the lunch will turn into a slow agony. I know, resisting Russian salad is impossible, but resist.
4. Inter scored 100 goals in the calendar year. One hundred goals is a lot. Inter’s attacking phase makes more of an impression than their nerves.
5. Inter scored 17 players in the 24/25 season. Inter’s attacking phase makes more of an impression than their nerves (encore)
6. Cardinale’s statements are proof that Americans certainly know what it means to do business, but they don’t know what it means to do football.
7. Clubs can no longer ignore healthy budgets. Healthy balance sheets are the most important thing, as long as they don’t turn into an excuse not to aim for victory. “After all, first or fourth, just go to the Champions League”. Excellent reasoning to submit to the cashier, but never to the fans. Because they, rightly, get pissed off.
8. Cardinale’s words had only one merit: they managed to bring everyone, AC Milan fans and otherwise, to agreement. In the sense that no one liked them. Not bad.
9. Russian salad is the food of the gods. If there is no Russian salad at your table, then I feel very sorry for you. Make do with your nerves.
10. Italian is doing a killer job. And it was not at all obvious after the farewells of Calafiori, Zirkzee and with Ferguson having just returned. “Italian isn’t understanding a thing”. I remember who said ‘this bullshit, because it was me.
11. If you have a competition to see who drinks the most with your cousins, make sure that they really drink too, otherwise the risk is that you will be the idiot cousin to be taken for a ride.
12. Fabregas: “After the interviews, if my bus is waiting for me, I would like to talk to Inzaghi for 5 minutes. I am a young technician with a desire to learn, which is why I believe that speaking with the best represents an opportunity for growth for me. I say it from the heart, Inzaghi is among the greatest.” Foreign coaches have a great advantage compared to Italian ones: they don’t feel envy or, at least, they hide it well.
13. Fabregas has clear ideas and his Como team tactically played a great match at San Siro. Cesc is the future.
14. If you shout “both!” when you draw the first number in the bingo, know that you are heroes.
15. If when you draw the second number at the tombola you shout “terno!”, you know that you’ve been pissed off.
16. Warren Bondo of Monza may not have fine feet (euphemism) and is last in the table but – running, quantity, character and only 21 years old – he is a master midfielder. Of course, personal tastes.
17. De Ketelaere ate nerves. Then he started eating the Russian salad. De Ketelaere was the stupid cousin at the table. Now he’s the one who takes the piss out of others. “Milan had to have the strength to wait for him,” say most. Or perhaps, more simply, it was he who needed to find Gasperini, someone who knows how to “put value” like no one else.
18. If you put a liter of vodka in the sorbet it is no longer “the sorbet for degreasing”, it is a lemon vodka. And there’s nothing wrong with it, but at least let’s not fool ourselves.
19. Nico Paz and Santi Castro – 20 and 19 years old – are the two best discoveries of this first part of the Serie A season.
20. If your grandfather is stupid and always repeats the same things, don’t treat him badly, one day you will be that stupid grandfather. Maybe you already are. I am, so to speak.
21. Those who dispute goals disallowed for an inch of offside, I really don’t understand. “We should let it go.” Until your favorite team concedes the goal and then you realize that, damn it, if it’s offside it’s offside, it’s objective, fair, correct, sacrosanct and don’t bother.
22. At some point during lunch you will want to talk about artificial intelligence to make people believe you have something interesting to say. Here, don’t do it, hold back, let someone else do it. Artificial intelligence has already broken the rules.
23. Juve didn’t play well at all in Monza, but Motta – I firmly believe this – knows what he’s doing. Soon we will see a Lady tailored to her technician. It won’t take long.
24. Koopmeiners is very strong. “But he’s playing badly.” No, he’s playing out of place. Here, on this Motta – oh, personal opinion – should be less rigid. Capable and tactically intelligent players like the Dutchman should be given greater freedom of action.
25. If you have a relative who talks about Big Brother, put some hidden nerves in the lasagna. He doesn’t deserve pity.
26. Only one will remain between Theo Hernandez and Fonseca. You choose who.
27. Have your say on Sinner, but keep in mind that everyone will. Sinner is the main theme of every self-respecting Christmas 2024 lunch. Go I’ll prepare the table, don’t get fucked.
28. If you’re not prepared, don’t worry. At one point he shouts “Kyrgios poop and pee”. You’ll get an easy round of applause.
29. Antonio Conte is creating a small masterpiece: he knew that to aim for the Scudetto he had to optimize and he took off the burden of the Italian Cup, in January he will get a couple of reinforcements “tailored to Antonio” to aim for the title. With only one match a week (they have 21 left) Napoli will remain in the running until the end.
30. Leave the hard nougat to your idiot cousin. The hard nougat was invented by the ADI (Italian Dentists Association) to guarantee all members a villa with swimming pool in Sardinia.
31. If you’re nibbling hard nougat while reading, then you’re the idiot cousin.
32. Marcus Thuram bought for 0+8 million euros is living proof that the problem is never zero parameters, but poor players.
33. The merchant at the fair is the devil’s game. And by the way, take the Pear card. I feel you will win.
34. Juric introduced himself to the Southampton fans like this: “I am inspired by Atalanta”. This is why it didn’t go well in Rome: he thought he was in Bergamo.
35. “De Martino and the parcels”, “Carlo Conti’s new Sanremo”, “Tony Effe and the New Year’s concert”, “How is Fedez?”, various and possible. If you’re thinking, “We don’t talk about these things at our table,” you’re lying to yourself. And in any case there is nothing wrong, unless someone in your house ends up raising the issue at point 36, in which case then, believe me, you are in a really bad situation.
36. “…Oh, but what do you think of Mariotto?”.
And merry Christmas to everyone.